Separation - The Affects On Your Pet

After I had learnt to cope with the shock of my 11 year relationship breaking up, I started to go through a different trauma, the loss of my much loved, fluffy tiger (actually a cat, but she thought otherwise). Not only did I miss her terribly but I was also worried about how she would feel without me around. Would she eat properly? Would she get stressed out looking for me? Would she fight with the other cat because of misplaced anger? Unfortunately, for various reasons, I had no choice but to leave her with my ex and the other cat. We were so close, she was a real fusspot and would only ever come to me for cuddles. She was completely my baby.

Regrettably if you have a strong bond with an animal then the likelihood is that they will go through their own heartbreak at the break up and at losing one of you. Their routine and home life will be forever changed and that will cause them anxiety and stress. Unfortunately during the stressful time of separation our pets are often the last thing we're thinking about. Of course this is completely understandable as your head will be a mess and it's likely your whole life as you knew it has probably vanished. Most animals will pick up on the hostility and anger and may be very scared and confused. Then you have the problem of deciding which one of you will take care of the pet.

Below are some helpful points when thinking about your pet during a divorce/separation.

If you have children take into consideration that they probably have formed strong attachments to your pets. It is highly recommended that the pet isn't separated from a child if at all possible. Stability for them both is so important at this time. They can be a huge source of comfort to children when their parents are separating. Give your child some animal responsibilities, it will give them something to focus on. Encourage them to develop a closer bond to your animal, it will definitely be a comfort and help to both of them. Remember you are the adult and can handle this better, help your child and pet at this time, they'll always be your family.

Ensure that when you are first sorting out the terms of your separation that you include any pets. If you leave this till the end it could become hard. Make it clear who will look after the pet and any visitation rights. Don't let it get confusing, stick to the decision.

Think about your living arrangements when deciding with whom the pet will live. Make sure your pet goes to the owner that can offer the best care and best home, even if this means it isn't you. Outside space and a comfortable home will be vital points to think about. Put your needs and wants second, it's hard to do, but it is necessary.

If you do end up with the pet then take comfort from them rather than shutting them out of your problems. They will feel your energy anyway and their natural instinct will be to help you. If you have a cat, buy a new cat stand and some toys to play with them. You can buy cat sprays that will calm them down like Feliway Feline Facial Pheromone Diffuser. Give them loads of attention so your bond is reinforced. If you own a dog take it for long walks this will help to clear your head and the dog will enjoy time just with you.

If you are keeping the family pet then remember that they will need a lot of love and comfort when your ex leaves. Regardless of how your relationship ended or what your opinion is of your previous partner/spouse, they were a part of your pet's life.

Seek the advice of your vet immediately if your pet shows any signs of depression such as not eating or behavioural problems.

Allow yourself to feel sad if you lose your pet in the process of divorce/separation. The love between a pet and their owner is extremely strong and it will be natural for both of you to be upset at this loss.

Whatever you do don't argue in front of your pet. This could leave them feeling anxious and scared.

Don't take your anger out on your pet. Just remember how much they love you and how confused they are. This will be a new start for them as well.

Never use your pet as a bargaining tool against your ex. If you want to do that, argue with each other over the furniture, never over children or animals. Always bear in mind what is in the best interest for your pet.

Only approach the court for custody if it is a last resort. Try talking to your spouse or attempt mediation first.

For further advice speak to your vet, who should be able to help with how best to care for your pet during a divorce or separation, especially if they become stressed.

Always seek legal advice if you're concerned about custody or contact with your pet.


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